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Muso440
-8th December 2003, 16:16
I've been 'commissioned', as it were, to write 300 words for the local rag, trying to drum up some interest in our next beginner's course.

Just in case I'm missing anything obvious out, does anyone want to give me some ideas of what they would write in this situation? And I'm getting a bit stuck and I don't think I've got 300 words yet. :(

What I've got so far:
a) everyone wants to be Zorro / D'artagnan really.
b) It makes you fit.
c) it's actually quite safe.
d) It's fun.

James
-8th December 2003, 16:29
i think you should add that its also a competetive sport. its the bit that seems to get missed out most.

if were needing any photos to go along with this article i would be more than happy to donate the ones i took at the highland open.

James

Tarmac
-8th December 2003, 16:29
you could always say that you get extra points for swinging from the nearest chandelier... a little white lie never hurt anyone;)
and that there's people wearing very tight white clothing...

Gav
-8th December 2003, 16:33
That Fencing attracts nothing but fit girls/boys. And that you will become fit by Fencing.

Marcos
-8th December 2003, 17:23
find out what the readership of the paper is and tailor accordingly

hokers
-8th December 2003, 17:48
Assuming its the Woking Times/Herald, I'd be pitching at the "civilised sport of gentlemen" angle, with maybe a hint of "improve your golf swing". :grin:

Sounds like a good idea anyway, hope you'll be mentioning other local clubs like Guildford in your piece :)

PM1
-8th December 2003, 18:34
How about the age factor - 8 to 80, sort of thing, male or female, travel the world/country for competitions.......make loads of friends, the forum.......

Tihon
-8th December 2003, 21:13
For those that follow trends, (according to the Elle magazine lol) fencing is very in at the moment, Cathetrine zeta jones, Madonna & Halle Berry do it and it burns 390 calories per hour....

cheers

Tihon

Rdb811
-8th December 2003, 23:59
I'd metion the sport for non-sportsmen angle.

whtouche
-9th December 2003, 04:00
"Why be a jock when you can be an athlete"

Pointy stick
-9th December 2003, 06:45
I know naff all about fencing, but I've had a lot of stuff published in various magazines. The following might help.

Be careful not to 'send up' the sport. You get 300 words to make a good impression for the sport and for your club. A couple of weak 'in jokes' and some easy stereotyping could do more harm than good.

Don't try to put too much in. Your item will be one of many in the paper. It needs to catch the reader's attention and hold it. You may be competing for attention against the local football results, bicycles for sale, and a gardener who's grown a carrot shaped like a willy.

Remember your own objectives: to publicise the course and maximise the number of people attending. Never mind the newspaper's objectives! So, make it clear where and when the course will be held, how much, how long, and who can attend.

Keep to short sentences. Read your submission several times and edit it brutally. Look out for the words 'and' and 'but'. It is often a good idea to delete these words and insert a full stop, making two shorter sentences.

Save words and gain impact by using the active voice. That means:

Zorro Blades will present a fencing demonstration at the Leisure Centre on Saturday. (Active voice)

Rather than

A fencing demonstration by the Zorro Blades will be presented at the Leisure Centre on Saturday. (Or worse still: Tghis saturday will see a demonstration...") (This is the passive voice.) The passive voice takes longer, it is less direct, but it is easy to drift into using it because it sounds more elaborate. You don't want elaborate in a 300 word item; you want simple and direct.

Good luck.

Muso440
-9th December 2003, 08:26
Ooof, loads of good suggestions, not sure I can get them into 300 words now!

Thanks everyone :grin: :grin: :grin:

James: I'm working on getting some photos from club members, but if it comes to nothing, I'll pm you. THanks hugely for the offer.

Hokers, re GF: You should be so lucky! ;) But there might be some 'cross-fertilisation', you never know.

Everyone else: great idea! Ta :)

katie
-9th December 2003, 11:24
Here's the URL for the blurb on Strathclyde Unis Introduction to Fencing run by fat_chucky of Glasgow West End. If you want to use any of it though, you'd better ask him - he's scary!

http://www.cll.strath.ac.uk/CLASSES/E146.HTM

Rdb811
-9th December 2003, 11:54
I'll add to Pointy Stick good advice (from experience as a management consultant):

Under absolutely no circumstances whatsoever use the word 'also' - either you do it properly or you don't do it all. (This applies to proposals, CV's, Statements of Qulaification, web sites etc etc. with equal force).

Read, and commit to heart 'The Economist Pocket Style Book'.

One idea per paragraph. One only. Not two. Not two havles. Just the one.

plewis66
-9th December 2003, 11:58
Originally posted by Pointy stick
a gardener who's grown a carrot shaped like a willy.

Or vice versa?

Muso440
-9th December 2003, 19:46
Pointy / Rdb,

No offence, but I *do* know how to write! I've done quite a lot of it in the past few years (more than most, probably). It's kind of my job.

I was more after thoughts about content than anything else...

I just wanted to say that so that no-one else gives me hints on how to construct sentences.

Flash SOTU
-9th December 2003, 20:29
Originally posted by Gav
That Fencing attracts nothing but fit girls/boys. And that you will become fit by Fencing.

I know i ought not to mess with an obvious illuminatus but i disagree. I used to think so too, but a lot of people i meet on compeditions are actually overweight and/or short of breath. There neven used to be an older guy with a artificial leg (no kidding), which he once lost in a fleche. He is fit, but not what you imagine when you hear fit boy.

plewis66
-10th December 2003, 08:22
Originally posted by Flash SOTU
There even used to be an older guy with a artificial leg (no kidding), which he once lost in a fleche.

I know you really shouldn't laugh, but...

:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

natsgrant
-16th December 2003, 10:55
Best of luck with it.

I'm sure you'll be grand.

I'm not going to tell you how to suck eggs, so I'll just wish you well instead.

Nats:)

Gav
-16th December 2003, 12:50
Originally posted by Flash SOTU
I know i ought not to mess with an obvious illuminatus but i disagree. I used to think so too, but a lot of people i meet on compeditions are actually overweight and/or short of breath. There neven used to be an older guy with a artificial leg (no kidding), which he once lost in a fleche. He is fit, but not what you imagine when you hear fit boy.

Hi Flash,

It was a terrible pun.

Fit can also mean 'good looking' which was the context I was trying to convey! I guess it doesn't translate well.